We Grow Together

More often lately I have found myself stopping and taking a closer look at my life...I've been thinking of the people I thought were my good friends but when the going got tough, they were nowhere to be found.  I've reflected on my career path and how although it was not my exact choice, each job I've had has brought about professional and personal growth that I would not trade.  I've thanked God for the family and friends I have and how each one has touched me in different ways and made me who I am today.  My wish is that somehow I have touched their lives too. 


Today I had the chance to spend some time with my oldest son Hunter.  Ever since I learned that I would be deploying for 6 months, it has sharpened my perspective on how short life truly is and how I've been given a finite number of opportunities to leave lasting impressions on those I love.  I am sure that sounds rather dismal, given the reality of the situation and where I will be going, but the truth of the matter is, for the first time ever, I am not afraid of deploying.  This is not to say that it is not on my mind constantly.  There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of what I need to do and say today to prepare my family for later.  What do I want them to remember about me and life's lessons when I am gone for six months?


So back to Hunter...the short of it is that I have come to realize more and more that he is truly his mother's son.  He is sensitive, creative, strong-willed, determined, and bright (but this is more a result of determination than a natural gift).  One of the not-so-good traits that Hunter has inherited from me is his tendency to worry and be anxious. It came to light over time. One thing Hunter differs from me in is that he is more to himself with his feelings compared to his mom who is an open book and wears her heart on her sleeve.  Yep, that's me.  Stopping to examine Hunter's thought processes and worries and where they stem from has allowed me to understand my own more clearly.  Who says that we don't learn valuable lessons from our small kids?  At 37, maybe there is still hope for me yet.


Hunter's second appointment with the child psychologist went well.  He was conversant but careful in choosing his words.  His explanation of what types of situations make him anxious such as talking in front of groups, taking tests, flying in an airplane, and meeting new people resemble my anxieties to a "t".  Genetics is truly a powerful thing.  Not once have I shared my feelings with him on these things.  During the appointment, the three of us developed coping strategies for Hunter that were tailored to his personality that can help him overcome his negative feelings and thoughts when they arise.  Is this rocket science? Of course not but nonetheless, I think it can be powerful in how it can transform his outlook from one of "helplessness" to "capable."


Not long ago, Hunter and I used to disagree on most everything.  It was only when I stopped and realized that this was more a result of us being "more alike" than "more different" that I realized there was opportunity for us both to grow closer, depending on how I reacted to his behavior.  Don't get me wrong...I don't dismiss his bad behavior or pretend not to see his poor choices.  I don't accept his strong will and give into his demands.  I know what happens when discipline is absent.  I love my kids too much not to invest the time and effort in teaching them right from wrong and holding them accountable for their actions.  But...something new that I have tried is consciously acknowledging and respecting his feelings by looking him straight in the eye and talking about them.  Sometimes they are as simple as not wanting to clean up his room and other times, he's shared with me his fear of being a failure.  Respecting Hunter as his own person, who's entitled to his feelings, whether they are helpful or destructive, has built trust and a stronger bond between us.  It's helped him to understand we'll always be there to listen no matter what the topic or concern is.  Isn't that what each of us want in life anyway?  Whether we are 10 or 70, we want to be listened to, understood, and valued by others. We want to feel loved.


Today I felt honored when Hunter shared with me that he really enjoyed our time together at the psychologist and over frozen yogurt and how we will always love me.  I feel so blessed to be Hunter's mom. 

Here's my little guy on his 2nd birthday. It was with him that I experienced many of my "firsts."  Where have the last 8 years gone?????

Here is Hunter today at 10 years old.  He's exactly who he's meant to be as God's "work in progress."  Someday he's going to change the world.  He's already changed mine...