Attitude is Everything

     “Attitude is everything.” How often do we hear and say these words?  I find myself thinking and saying this when something doesn’t go quite as I had planned and a little disappointment sets in.  As much as this is a cliché, it is true but how many times have we thought that our lives are just so unfair and we become pessimistic?  C’mon, admit it.  You have at some point.  The past several weeks I have been working exclusively as a clinical dietitian the Army hospital.  It has actually been a nice change of pace and even more so, an eye opener and reminder that “Attitude is everything.”

     I have had the blessing to meet and provide medical nutrition therapy for many Wounded Warriors who have been transported to Brooke Army Medical Center from the war zone so that their injuries and rehabilitation can be managed.  Some of the men have been 19 and 20 years old with double and triple amputations along with a huge laundry list of other injuries.   I have to fight back tears every time.  Each soldier is someone’s baby and often times, someone’s husband and someone’s father.  The amount of growing up these men have had to do in such a short time and the thought of their long journeys ahead leave me speechless. In spite of their injuries, most of them remain positive about their future.  Their positive attitudes should be an example for the rest of us.

     Last year I became involved in a military cycling organization called Team 4Mil through a friend and fellow AF dietitian.  Some of you may recall me talking about it and how their mission is to compete in the Race Across America and support the Wounded Warrior Project.  One of the ways that Team 4mil does that is by helping them rehabilitate with the use of adaptive cycles.  This mission is amazing to me!  It couples the exhilaration of a competitive sport and the joy that comes from helping others.  If you'd like to learn more or support Team 4Mil financially, you can visit http://www.team4mil.org/.

     This past weekend, I had the absolute pleasure of meeting a retired solider and wounded warrior named Nieves Rodriguez.  This year it is Team 4Mil’s plan to add a second relay team made up of wounded warrior cyclists and Nieves is on the team.  He was in Iraq during his second deployment when the truck he was driving in flipped over.  The impact left his right arm nearly severed to the point of traumatic amputation.  If it were not for an Air Force surgeon who argued that his arm could be saved, his life would be much different than it is today.  He had a long recovery and could have given up many times along the way but his attitude prevailed.  Today Nieves has full use of his arm and is an excellent cyclist. 

     Long story short, Nieves and my paths crossed when he was asked to represent Team 4Mil at Lance Armstrong’s Ride for the Roses event in Austin which draws support for the Livestrong Foundation and fight against cancer.  I was lucky enough to be Nieves’s guest at the VIP events which included a tour of the Foundation, an amazing dinner party at Lance Armstrong’s house, and a one of a kind bike race which for us equaled 90 miles!  This was a weekend that I will never forget!

     I haven’t been riding for that long- 3 months actually but it’s been long enough for me to know in my heart that I’ll be riding for a long time to come.  And the nice thing is, Kurt has adopted this past-time as well so it’s something we look forward to doing together.  This race was definitely a challenge- the distance, the hills, and of course the nuances of riding with a big group- it's different than marathons but those of you who know me, know when I set my mind on something, you might as well consider it done.  

Phil 4:13 “I can do anything through Christ who strengthens me”

     This verse has gotten through each of my endurance events and a lot of life’s obstacles in between.  I think when you have this attitude, the sky is the limit.

Post race giddiness

Mile 50

    

My first race.  I did it!! I finished!!

Disappointment, Acceptance & Gratitude

     Behind every closed door is a window waiting to be opened.   I really see this as being true but I also can say from personal experience that sometimes when doors slam shut we can be left feeling hopeless, discouraged, and locked out forever.  This is how I felt a couple days last week.   I hesitate to put these feelings into words and post them because the feeling are still raw and the wound, still fresh.  But I have decided that if my blog is going to be “real” and a true representation of me, it has to include those things I feel happy about as well as my life’s letdowns.  So here goes…

     Ever since I decided that I would make the Air Force a 20 year career, I had certain visions of what those 20 years would entail.  When you’re in the Air Force, it does no good to be too much of a planner because let’s face it, when it comes down to it, what is more important is “what is in the best interest of the Air Force.”  However, something that most of us will probably agree on for any profession is that if you do your best at your job and show dedication and commitment, chances are you will be effective and over time this effectiveness will be recognized. 

    The years have flown by and sometimes I have to stop and really ask myself  “Can I actually be approaching the big 4-0?” This September I hit 15 years in the Air Force as a dietitian and the time for my promotion board to Lieutenant Colonel.  When I think back to my days as a butter bar Second Lieutenant, silver bar First Lieutenant, railroad track Captain, and now bronze oak leaf Major, I realize that I have come a long way with the support of many family, friends, and co-workers.  My next goal was to be a Lieutenant Colonel and it’s by no means my intent to sound arrogant, but I felt I had a pretty great chance of reaching that goal.  Then “SLAP”-  life happened and reminded me once again that I am not in control.

     My selection board was this last June.  Matters as important as this are not handled quickly in the Air Force.  In fact, they seem to take an eternity!  The results were released last week which had me waiting over four months and as you probably could already guess, my name was not on the Lieutenant Colonel list.  It had been on the forefront of my mind that each rank is more difficult and competitive to reach and in today’s force where cut-backs of all sorts are a main focus, there was a chance I wouldn’t make the cut.  Believe me, this was on my mind but regardless, the news was a big shock and to me and seemed so unfair.  My dream slipped away just like sand through my fingers.

     I have to say in response to what is most peoples’ attempt to make light out of the situation, that there is most likely not going to be a “next time.”  If the truth is told, my chance of being selected next time for Lieutenant Colonel is 1%.  Literally.  Not impossible but as close as it gets.  My point in writing this is not to defend myself in an argument as to why I was not wrongfully selected but to hopefully give a little encouragement to others who at some point in their lives have or will experience rejection that leaves them feeling “not good enough.”

     Unfortunately, we live in a society where others seem to dictate our self-worth.  The media, our higher ups, even our friends seem to determine for us how we feel about ourselves.  And often times, it’s a cruel world in that these groups leave us feeling more torn down than built up.  Self confidence is a powerful thing and can determine the course of our lives.  As the saying goes, “Our thoughts dictate our feelings and our feelings determine our actions.” Or something like that.  It’s true.

     After a day or so of letting the news sink in, feeling terribly rejected, somewhat embarrassed, and not at all taken care of by an Air Force I believed I had put my heart into my entire career, I came to a conclusion.  I could either feel sorry for myself and reminded every day I was unchosen or I could move on.  I have chosen to do the latter. I decided that my rank, any rank, does not define me.  Not being promoted does not take away my God given talents or my desire to do right and take care of the Airmen under me or my ability to make a difference in peoples’ lives in positive ways.  Essentially, I am unchanged.

     I have always found it to be perplexing how some people seem to be more fortunate and have the luck of the draw compared to others.  Are these people more “worthy” or “blessed?” Not according to the Bible which says that God loves us all the same- the homeless man on the street to the rich man in a mansion- we are all equal in value in His eyes.  So at this time in my life, a time which really is a milestone of its own, I am choosing to listen to the inner voice which is quiet but powerful and saying “You are exactly who you are meant to be. You may never get another promotion. You may never fit in  a smaller size jeans.  You may never have what it is you think you want that others have but you have exactly what you need.  Not too little and not too much. Just enough.”

     I can only imagine what it would be like to live a life where this confidence served as a compass that allowed no deviation from the straight and narrow path that is followed when you always recognize where your value comes from- God.  There is still a small place in my heart that is tender when I think of the goal unmet, the rank unattained, but there is a bigger spot that is filled with the satisfaction of feeling content that this fact is perfectly ok.  I am me.

“Don’t wait for someone to tell you are awesome.  Feel it in your heart.  Then… thank God for making you this way” – Risa Riepma

    

    

Taking the Time

     The past few weeks have flown by and I've had a running list of things in my head of things to blog about but just haven't made the time. With that being said, I actually don't feel guilty because I have been trying to make more time "being in the moment" which has left less time to write about them.  It's not a bad thing but I did want to get my thoughts out in an organized way because they are symbolic of what my life is about these days.  There have been several significant happenings in the past month and I've noticed that each have had a common theme- that of TIME and making the most of every day we have been given.  One thing is certain and that is, time eventually runs out.

     You'll have to bear with me on this one...keep reading though because I think you will see the common thread at the end.  If not, that's ok...leave me a comment which reminds me...I'd love your comments whether they be on the blog if you are a follower on Google or just a short email.

Here goes...

     I added up the months recently that I have been at Wilford Hall and I couldn't believe it- over 2 1/2 years.  I've had a few unique opportunities to be a part of some special milestones there, most recently this past month, the closure of the hospital's foodservice which had been in operation over 50 years!  Unless you've worked there, it's difficult to truly appreciate the complexity of Wilford Hall Medical Center and what it contributes to AF medicine and the dietetics career field.  Let me just say that the many changes the hospital has experienced over the past few years that have been mandated by Congress and Base Realignment and Closure (BRAC) law have been quite revolutionary.  Our small piece of the changes in the dietetics world means no more inpatient care and foodservice, just outpatients. It's a big change.

     About a year ago I was placed in the Food Production Flight Commander position which was a bit unnerving at the time.  In my 15 years of being a dietitian, I've had the least experience in Food Production but I was going to be responsible for overseeing the draw down of food services at the "flagship" hospital which is something that had never been done before.  To be perfectly honest, I was not the least bit thrilled about the job but if there's one thing I've learned, it's not the actual job but the people you work with that make it what it is.  I had the blessing of working with some wonderful people, both military and civilian who knew their jobs well enough that it kept me out of trouble as their Flight Commander (most of the time).

     By this time I can bet you're starting to ask "how does this relate to TIME?" which I stated was my overarching theme. Well...the fact that there was no longer a need for military run foodservice operations meant peoples' job were going to change or go away completely. For our military, it meant moving to the Army hospital across town (no biggie) but for our civilians, many of which had been there over 2 decades, it meant they were losing their jobs.  Their "time" at Wilford Hall had run out.  As it turned out, God's hand was over each and every one of them. Those that were retirement eligible, retired and the remainder were found jobs at the Army hospital but this was not an easy task. 

     As we approached the 1 year from closure point, an idea came to me.  Our civilian workers did not ask to leave, they were forced.  I have to admit that up to that point, I did not know much about them, these 50 or so people, even though I passed them in the kitchen and facility each and every day.  I realized that unless someone went to the effort to recognize these people who carried out often thankless jobs, they would soon disappear not fully knowing the impact they had on thousands of peoples' lives.  So with that thought, I decided we needed to have an unprecedented ceremony (there aren't too many of these in an organization whose culture is based on tradition) to commemorate the 52 years of good departmental service and recognize those civilian workers leaving with gifts on stage that were based on the number of years they worked at the facility.

     I had gathered some helpful Airmen to work on the committee and the months came and went, the clock seemed to tick faster and faster.  There was not an individual in our departent that did not have a tender heart and become a little sentimental when the upcoming closure was brought up. While the backgrounds, ages, and ethnic groups differed widely across our diverse squadron, none of that seemed to matter in the end.  All of a sudden, it occurred to me that the job I had been forced into, was not so bad after all...In fact, it was pretty rewarding and it was bittersweet that it was coming to an end.

     Instead of being too busy to stop, make eye contact, and strike up a conversation with our civilian staff each day, I began to do just that.  I realized that I had "wasted" a lot of time and before I knew it, time together was something all of us did not have much of.  I was pleasantly surprised to learn that many of their interests, families, trials and tribulations, and values were not much different than my own. I learned about Ms. Janie who is a Hispanic woman who had worked for our dining facility for 22 years and was my mom's age. Had I not taken the time to connect with her I would have never known how her inspiration in life is her 12 year old grandson who has been blind since birth. And how the mission of her family is to raise enough money to fly him to China to receive a stem cell procedure that should allow him to see for the first time.  I learned about Mr Countess who was one of our staff with a disability.  His sister had dropped him off and picked him up at work each day for him to carry out his duties for about 15 years. Unless he found a way to get to the Army hospital which was farther from his home and too far for his sister to drive him, he would be without any income.  God has a way of showing up when it matters most and a way was found for dedicated Mr Countess to catch the bus at Wilford Hall and ride to Brook Army Medical Center and back on each of his work days.  And this was after an appropriate position miraculously became available for him there. 

     The desire to understand, relate and make a difference in others' lives was not something that found a place in just my heart but everyone throughout our department.  It was like we knew our time together had run out.  As it turned out, the "Closing Ceremony" was a big success.  The Airman in charge of the invitations did a beautiful job; the reception immediately following was exactly what you would expect from food and hospitality experts.  The beautiful plaques had a lithograph of Wilford Hall and San Antonio that was very stunning.  Our hospital commander, a 2 star General presided over the ceremony and we had good attendance from people throughout the hospital.  Most importantly, our civilian workers and their families, many of which came up on stage to accompany their loved one, felt valued and as if their efforts and sacrifices truly made a difference. It was one of those days we talk about in the Air Force when you are "re-blued" and reminded of the real reasons we do what we do.  On this day I became very grateful to have had the wake up call to stop and smell the flowers.  They've been blooming all along.

After our more formal photo, this is what we came up with for our "fun" one.

The change from an inpatient and outpatient facility to just outpatients brought a name change from Wilford Hall Medical Center to Wilford Hall Ambulatory Surgical Center.

Me and Ms. Janie.

Some of our staff.  Ms. Josie (in purple) made pretty aprons and literally wore a different apron to work every day!

This SSgt was my right hand in making sure the many details of the ceremony and reception were covered.  The great news is she will also be my right hand on my deployment.  She is tasked to go too.

     Briefly, I will say that about 10 days ago Kurt and I told the kids about my upcoming deployment.  We had decided to wait to minimize their anxiety about the situation.  Hunter immediately became quiet and when I asked what it was he was feeling, he said he was worried that I'd never come back.  Bella was more inquisitive and asked a bunch of questions like "why so long?" and "who will say my bedtime prayer and"  make my lunch?"  Ethan's response was "where is that?"  My beautiful flowers are each so different in their personalities even though they have come from the same garden.

     The thought of our impending separation is always in the back of my mind.  I know to a certain degree how much time I have left before I leave and each day, it's 24 hours less.  I am trying to balance my many responsibilities and I wish I could stop the hands of time for just a little bit.  The great news is, I am slowing down and for those of you who know me well know I can have an overflowing plate and not even know it.  The kids, Kurt and I have been enjoying our time together, playing games, riding our bikes (which I have LOVED), painting pumpkins, blowing out Hunter's birthday candle, going wine tasting, watching movies, enjoying family dinners, giving thanks to God, and even wrestling on the floor tickling tummies.  If you ask me, it has been the perfect use of our time. 

     Have you ever asked yourself what is the perfect use of your time?